Grand Jury testimony of Robert and Viveca leaked by Rove-ing reporter (fictional). Please keep my identity a secret. Double super Secret. I could call in and have my voice disguised and my face blocked out. Please call me or send me an email if you plan to use this. Thanks. Middle-aged, Middle-of-the-road, Mid-Westerner MnMnM50@hotmail.com

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Novak Says Who Leaked First

Originally posted August 11, 2005:

Grand Jury testimony of Robert and Viveca Novak leaked by Rove-ing reporter (fictional). Please keep my identity a secret. Double super Secret. I could call in and have my voice disguised and my face blocked out. Please call me or send me an email if you plan to use this. Thanks.

Middle-aged, Middle-of-the-road, Mid-Westerner
MnMnM50@hotmail.com

Novak: Well Fitzgerald, You know Carl Rove, the White House Deputy Chief of Staff (of the United States) [COSTUS]. The media gave me a job as Journalist for as long as I want. How much will COSTUS cost us?

Fitzgerald: Look Novak, if you're a journalist, you must know all the players.
Novak: I certainly do.
Fitzgerald: Well you know I've never met the guys. You are under oath so you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's involved in the leaking of a CIA officer’s name.
Novak: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give the players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Fitzgerald: You mean funny names?
Novak: Strange names, pet names...like Deep Throat...
Fitzgerald: His brother Daffy.
Novak: Daffy Throat...
Fitzgerald: And their French cousin.
Novak: French?
Fitzgerald: Goofè.
Novak: Goofè Throat. Well, let's see, we have on the list, Who leaked the name of a CIA officer first, What leaked it second, I Don't Know leaked it third...
Fitzgerald: That's what I want to find out.
Novak: I say Who leaked first, What leaked second, I Don't Know leaked third.
Fitzgerald: Are you a government employee?
Novak: Yes.
Fitzgerald: You gonna be a political consultant too?
Novak: Yes.
Fitzgerald: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Novak: Well I should.
Fitzgerald: Well then who leaked first?
Novak: Yes.
Fitzgerald: I mean the fellow's name.
Novak: Who.
Fitzgerald: The guy who leaked first.
Novak: Who.
Fitzgerald: The first leaker.
Novak: Who.
Fitzgerald: The guy who leaked first...
Novak: Who leaked on first!
Fitzgerald: I'm asking YOU who leaked first.
Novak: That's the man's name.
Fitzgerald: That's whose name?
Novak: Yes.
Fitzgerald: Well go ahead and tell me.
Novak: That's it.
Fitzgerald: That's who?
Novak: Yes.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Look, you gotta first leaker?
Novak: Certainly.
Fitzgerald: Who leaked first?
Novak: That's right.
Fitzgerald: When you talk about the first leak, who gets the credit?
Novak: Every bit of it.
Fitzgerald: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on who leaked first.
Novak: Who.
Fitzgerald: The guy that gets...
Novak: That's it.
Fitzgerald: Who gets the credit...
Novak: He does, every bit. Sometimes his wife acknowledges it.
Fitzgerald: Whose wife?
Novak: Yes.
PAUSE
Novak: What's wrong with that?
Fitzgerald: Look, all I wanna know is when you refer to the first leaker, how does say his name?
Novak: Who.
Fitzgerald: The guy.
Novak: Who.
Fitzgerald: How does he say...
Novak: That's how he says it.
Fitzgerald: Who?
Novak: Yes.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name who leaked first.
Novak: No. What leaked second and confirmed what who said.
Fitzgerald: I'm not asking you who leaked second.
Novak: Who leaked first.
Fitzgerald: One source at a time!
Novak: Well, don't change the leakers around.
Fitzgerald: I'm not changing nobody!
Novak: Take it easy, buddy.
Fitzgerald: I'm only asking you, who's the guy who leaked first?
Novak: That's right.
Fitzgerald: Ok.
Novak: All right.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: What's the guy's name who leaked first?
Novak: No. What is leaked second.
Fitzgerald: I'm not asking you who leaked second.
Novak: Who leaked first.
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Novak: He leaked third, we're not talking about him.
Fitzgerald: Now how did I get the name of who leaked third?
Novak: Why you mentioned his name.
Fitzgerald: If I mentioned the third leaker's name, who did I say leaked third?
Novak: No. Who leaked first.
Fitzgerald: What leaked first?
Novak: What leaked second.
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Novak: He leaked third.
Fitzgerald: There I go, back to the third again!
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Would you just stay the third leak and don't go off it.
Novak: All right, what do you want to know?
Fitzgerald: Now who is responsible for the third leak?
Novak: Why do you insist on connecting Who with the third leak?
Fitzgerald: What am I connecting to third.
Novak: No. What is connected to the second leak.
Fitzgerald: You don't want who implicated in the second leak?
Novak: Who is implicated in the first.
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Novak & Fitzgerald Together: Third leak!
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Look, you got a staff?
Novak: Sure.
Fitzgerald: The senior staffer's name?
Novak: Why.
Fitzgerald: I just thought I'd ask you.
Novak: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Fitzgerald: Then tell me whose is the senior staffer.
Novak: Who leaked first.
Fitzgerald: I'm not... stay out of the office! I want to know what's the guy's name in who is the senior staffer?
Novak: No, What leaked second.
Fitzgerald: I'm not asking you who leaked second.
Novak: Who leaked first!
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Novak & Fitzgerald Together: Third leak!
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: The senior staffer's name?
Novak: Why.
Fitzgerald: Because!
Novak: Oh, he's the junior staffer.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Look, You gotta Whistle Blower on this team?
Novak: Sure.
Fitzgerald: The Whistle Blower’s name?
Novak: Tomorrow.
Fitzgerald: You don't want to tell me today?
Novak: I'm telling you now.
Fitzgerald: Then go ahead.
Novak: Tomorrow!
Fitzgerald: What time?
Novak: What time what?
Fitzgerald: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's blowing the whistle?
Novak: Now listen. Who is not blowing the whistle.
Fitzgerald: I'll break your arm, you say who leaked first! I want to know what's the whistle blower's name?
Novak: What leaked second.
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Novak & Fitzgerald Together: Third leak!
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Gotta an attorney?
Novak: Certainly.
Fitzgerald: The attorney's name?
Novak: Today.
Fitzgerald: Today, and tomorrow's the whistle blower.
Novak: Now you've got it.
Fitzgerald: All we got is a couple of days on the team.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: You know I'm an attorney too.
Novak: So they tell me.
Fitzgerald: I get behind the desk to do some fancy investigating, Tomorrow's blowing the whistle on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter punts. When he punts, me, being a good attorney, I'm gonna connect the guy to the first leak. So I pick up the questioning with who?
Novak: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Fitzgerald: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Novak: That's all you have to do.
Fitzgerald: Is to pick up the questioning with the first leaker.
Novak: Yes!
Fitzgerald: Now who's got it?
Novak: Naturally.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Look, if I question the first leaker, somebody's gotta go next. Now who is it?
Novak: Naturally.
Fitzgerald: Who?
Novak: Naturally.
Fitzgerald: Naturally?
Novak: Naturally.
Fitzgerald: So I pick up the questioning with Naturally.
Novak: No you don't, you question Who.
Fitzgerald: Naturally.
Novak: That's different.
Fitzgerald: That's what I said.
Novak: You're not saying it...
Fitzgerald: I throw the questioning to Naturally.
Novak: You throw it to Who.
Fitzgerald: Naturally.
Novak: That's it.
Fitzgerald: That's what I said!
Novak: You ask me.
Fitzgerald: I direct the questions to who?
Novak: Naturally.
Fitzgerald: Now you ask me.
Novak: I direct the questions to Who?
Fitzgerald: Naturally.
Novak: That's it.
Fitzgerald: Same as you! Same as YOU! I direct the questions to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy goes to second. Who picks up the questions and throw them to What. What points his finger at I Don't Know. I Don't Know blames it on Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and pleads the fifth for Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Novak: What?
Fitzgerald: I said I don't give a darn!
Novak: Oh that's our intern.

Who's on First by Novak and Fitzgerald

And at the first game, Judith Miller will throw in the first pitch. Ambassador and Mrs. Wilson will sing the National Anthem. Matt Cooper will be selling beer in the bleachers. Both Novaks will be scalping tickets outside the main gate and Rove will get 20% of the door.

Note that leak and leaker have multiple meanings.






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